Heart Ache
by The Silent Assassin HB
Summary: It's always hard to lose the ones you love, and even harder to deal with the aftermath. One shot. Duncan's POV.


(Based on a true story)

It was raining. Raining like it always seemed to on days like this. I didn't even have the energy to point out what a cliche it was as I sat next to my buddy Geoff and his girlfriend Bridgette on the steps leading up the church. We didn't care that the rain was falling on our heads since our faces were all ready soaked with tears. Even mine. What was amazing was the fact that the entire TDI cast of season one had come, even Chris. They all came to pay their respects to my lost friend. I missed her so much already, and it had only been a few days since the incident. There were footsteps coming towards me and all three of us looked up to see the old host of TDI staring down on us sadly. He wore a black suit like many of the others and even his face was tear stained beleive it or not. Chris' hair that was once full of luster now stuck to his face in clumps because of the rain. It hadn't looked all that great during the ceremony anyways. He said he shouldn't bother dressing up for an event like this.

"How you three holding up?" he asked sympathetically. Who'd a thought that a guy like Chris, the one who actually enjoyed others pain, could feel sympathy for anyone but himself? We thought all he had cared about were ratings.

"Ok I guess…" Geoff mumbled. Bridgette let out a small wail and burrowed closer to Geoff who held her all the more tightly.

"… She was so strong on the island… always pushing forward. Going the extra mile for her team." Chris said trying to cheer the poor teens up.

"She sure was…" Bridgette agreed wiping away her tears. I continued to say nothing. Chris scratched his wet head nervously trying to think of something else to say. He was never good at cheering people up, not that he ever really tried in the first place.

"… Well good luck to you all. Expect a reunion soon." Chris finally said as he headed down the wet stairs.

"Bye Chris. And thanks for coming." Bridgette said.

"It's the least I could do… after all I had made her risk her life everyday back on the island. Chef sends his regards." Chris waved one more time before calling a cab that took him away. Bridgette sneezed moments later and started to shiver.

"I think I should take you home." Geoff offered helping Bridgette stand up. "You'll catch a cold if we sit out in this rain any longer." She sneezed again.

"Your right. Thanks Geoff."

"No prob. What about you dude?" he asked turning back to me.

"No thanks man. I brought my car here and besides… I'm not ready to leave yet." I answered glancing back at the huge church doors. Before he left Geoff placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Don't dwell on the past dude, it will keep you away from the future. She wouldn't want that." He whispered. I nodded making him smile at me. "I'll see you later ok?" I nodded again as Geoff and Bridgette hurried towards his truck. I sighed staring up at the dark sky. The rain had let up to a steady drizzle now. 'She used to love the rain…' I said to myself. I blinked rain away from my eyes as flashbacks of the day of the incident came back to me. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't forget it...

(Flashback)

It happened not to long ago, a little more than a week actually. The weather was very different that day. It was sunny and warm with not a cloud in sight. How the sunny evening had mocked us that day, giving us false promises that it would be a nice day. It was gym class and because of the lame school's budget cuts the boys and girls had to share a gym period. But hey I wasn't complaining. I loved seeing the girls run in those tiny shorts. We were running that day nothing new nothing special. It was halfway through gym when the incident happened. I was walking next to Bridgette and Gwen who were chatting to each other about nothing in particular. Geoff finally caught up to us panting and sweating.

"Man I hate running!" he wheezed. The three of us laughed.

"You and me both. I never run anyways." Gwen said.

"You'll just get marked down." Bridgette pointed out.

"Please, you sound like Courtney. You do not want to see a Goth after running. My makeup runs so easily!"

"Where is the Princess anyways?" I asked casually. Bridgette pointed to something directly across the track. There was Courtney, her silky brown hair tied back into a ponytail that was flying behind her as she ran. She looks so beautiful… I sighed dreamily. I turned back to my three friends beside me. "She sure runs pretty fast." I commented as she turned the corner.

"Lots of practice running from bears." Gwen snickered.

"That should make you just as fast." her laughter died down instantly. Moments later a flash of brown whizzed by bringing with it a nice breeze.

"Where you off to in such a hurry Princess?" I called after her. Courtney came to a skidding halt sending up black pieces of the track with her. She straitened up and glared at me.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me princess?" she asked angrily.

"Oh come on, you know you love it." I teased. It was so easy to mess around with her. She stayed rooted to the spot as we hurried to catch up with her.

"Wow your really red Courtney." Bridgette commented when we caught up with her. He face was a noticible dark shade of red despite her dark toned skin and she was breathing heavily.

"Yeah maybe you should slow down." Gwen added. Courtney shook her head forcibly.

"No. I'm fine." She said walking in step beside me.

"If you say so."

"So Princess, how fast can you run?" I asked with my familiar cocky tone. She reached up and flicked my nose.

"Ok first of all it's Courtney. Not princess, Courtney."

"Ok _Princess_. You didn't answer my question."

"I bet I'm faster than you! In fact, I _know _I'm faster than you!"

"You're on! Race you to the end of the track. Ready set go!" I called tugging her hair back. She yelped in pain as I ran off laughing.

"Duncan!" she screeched running after me.

"Come on Courtney! You got to be faster than that!" I teased while laughing. Her face relaxed a little and she even smiled.

"I'll get you Duncan!" she laughed. What happened in the next four seconds seemed to go in slow motion. Courtney tripped, what she tripped on I'll never know, and fell to the ground. End of slow motion. I laughed; not realizing what horrors had just been placed on Courtney, and ran back to her.

"Nice spill Courtney. You ok?" I asked offering her my hand. But she didn't answer. She didn't even move.

"Hey is Courtney ok?" Bridgette asked running up to us.

"She should be. All she did was fall. Courtney are you ok?" I asked gently shaking her shoulders. She still didn't move. It was at that moment I started to panic. I flipped her over on her back. Her eyes were slightly open but were staring at nothing.

"Courtney are you ok?!" Gwen asked. I put my hand over Courtney's mouth.

"Oh my God! She isn't breathing!" I cried. At that moment the coach came running up behind us.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I don't know! We were running when Courtney just fell and now she isn't breathing!"

"What?! I thought this would happen one day..." The coach fell down next to Courtney and put her hand on her chest. "Courtney! Can you hear me?" the coach asked shaking her shoulders. She pulled out her phone and literally threw it at Geoff. "Call 911!" she ordered. Geoff fumbled with the phone for a moment before flipping it open and dialing.

"What's wrong with her? Will she be ok?" I asked angrily as the coach started pushing down on Courtney's heart.

"Not now Duncan!" the coach snapped. People had stopped running and had come over to see what was wrong. They all whispered to each other worriedly as Courtney continued to remain still.

"The ambulance is on their way!" Geoff called flipping the phone off. The next few minutes seemed to last hours to me until finally someone came. They put Courtney on a stretcher and carried her off towards the ambulance.

"Courtney!" I called rushing towards her but the coach held me back.

"They'll take it from here Duncan." She said gently. I shook her hand off my shoulder and stared after the ambulance sadly. Its sirens haunted my dreams every night since that day.

(End flashback)

I was snapped out of my flashback when someone touched my shoulder for what seemed to be the twentieth time that week. Trent was standing there this time in the gentle drizzle of the rain.

"Duncan… come inside." He said quietly. I sighed again and stood up following him back into the church. Many people had left but the entire Total Drama Island crew was still there along with Courtney's parents and other relatives. I stared at the ground as we walked down the aisle until I bumped into someone.

"Watch it!" they snapped. I looked up to see Heather glaring at me.

"Heather." I said simply. She just continued to glare.

"I didn't have to come here you know." She huffed crossing her arms over her chest.

"Yeah, I know." I said making my way around her. I didn't even have the energy to be angry with Heather. Why she came at all was still a mystery to the cast. She wasn't mortal enemies with Courtney like she was with Gwen, but she didn't like her to much either. Heather glanced back at me and huffed again before hurrying out the church doors. When I reached the large casket Gwen came hurrying up to me with her light brown dress ruffling under her. Unlike everyone else who wore black she had chosen to wear brown.

"Brown was her favorite color. She would have wanted it…" Gwen had said when people shot her confused glances. Lindsay just happened to be standing near by and had just stopped crying.

"Oh I know!" she agreed trying to be her old happy self. But there was no hiding the sadness in her voice. "Black is such a depressing color. We should wear pink to funerals instead of black. It only makes us more depressed. Pink makes people happy!" she stood there smiling for a moment until she broke down crying again.

"Where did you go off to?" Gwen asked back in the present.

"He went out for a minute with Geoff and Bridgette." Trent whispered to her. I nodded in silent agreement while walking up to the open casket. I could barely stand looking down into it at Courtney sad face. Her once tan skin had lost all of its coloring. I knew her skin was as hard as a rock and just as cold but I dare not touch her again. It frightened me too much. And it reminded me of that day…

(Flashback)

I sat in the hospital with Trent and Geoff on either side of me. Gwen and Bridgette sat across from us shooting worried glances at the door Courtney was behind every now and then. All five of us shot up out of our seats when a doctor came out. Our releived faces turned to ones of fear when we saw the grave look on his face.

"… What's happened?" Bridgette asked. I admired how brave she was to speak the question with the answer we all feared. The doctor shook his head looking at us sadly.

"She… didn't make it." He answered staring at the ground. My eyes went wide and the words rang in my head, over and over. I was absolutely speechless. The girls gasped while I flared up with anger. Trent noticed and held my back before I even moved a muscle.

"What do you mean? What happened?" Geoff asked calmly.

"The patient… Courtney right?" Geoff nodded. "Courtney has suffered from a rare heart disease since birth. Since it's not very common we don't have a cure for it. Today she over worked her heart and it just… failed." I wrenched myself away from Trent and grabbed the doctor's collar pulling him so he was only a few inches from my enraged face.

"What do you mean it just failed?! I don't believe you! Courtney can't be dead!" I screamed. Trent pried me away from the doctor who simply stared at me sympathetically.

"I'm sorry son… you can come see her if you like. You know, say your goodbyes." My hands were trembling with anger and sadness. I didn't know which one I felt more. The torture was killing me inside; destroying every happy feeling I had ever felt as the two feelings collided with each other over and over again, tearing them into pieces, one by one. Trent gently pulled me towards the room the doctor had led us to. He let us inside closing the door behind Gwen and leaving us in there alone. There was Courtney. She lay on the bed with a blanket pulled up to her shoulders. Her skin was just as colorless as it was at the funeral and her face was drained of all emotion.

"… No." Bridgette shook her head back and forth with tears starting to well up in her eyes. Gwen wrapped her arms around her friend with some of her own tears starting to come up. I went over to her side staring down at her stiff body. I reached forward to touch her face. The last bit of warmth evaporated from her body with the touch, leaving her as cold as ice and hard as rock. The feeling scared me because I was so used to her skin being so soft and warm. 'Courtney… you cant be dead!' I said to myself shutting my eyes tightly trying to block the horrible thoughts out. But the words screamed inside his head like the sirens after the incident, just like they still did in my dreams. And it didn't stop.

"No… she can't be gone." I whispered shaking my head back and forth. But the proof was right in front of me. Trent and the other's went back out leaving me alone with her body. I felt tears come up in my eyes at the very thought of her being gone. The pressure inside of me was building, and I felt like I was about to explode. I could feel it. After a few minutes of simply standing there next to the lifeless body of the girl I once loved I gave up, and I felt my mind crash into darkness as the tears flooded my face. I hadn't cried like this since my dog had run away so many years ago. I remember the exact feelings of wishing it wasn't true, wishing he would come back. But he never did, and Courtney wasn't coming back either.

(End flashback)

This time I pulled myself out of the memory. If I thought about it any more I would break down crying again. I placed my head in my hands trying to block it all out, trying to wake myself up from this horrible dream. And when I did wake up Courtney would be there next to me smiling her beautiful happy smile. But this wasn't a dream. I wasn't waking up. And Courtney wasn't coming back. I started to tremble at the very thought of her beautiful face, her wonderful chestnut hair that fell neatly above her shoulders, her smoldering black eyes that danced with mischief the day the raided Chef's kitchen on the island, and her lips that always curled up in a smile after one of their fights. A moment later someone cleared their throat behind me. I looked around to see Harold standing behind me looking just as depressed as everyone else.

"Hey Duncan… I just wanted to say something." He started shyly. I scowled at the scrawny nerd. I was sick of people feeling sorry for me and telling me it would all be all right. It would never be all right without Courtney by my side. Never again. But I let him speak. Courtney wouldn't want me to yell at him just because he was being nice. "I'm… sorry I switched the votes that night on the island. It was wrong of me to do that…" He muttered. My eyes widened in shock.

"It's all right man. I'm sorry for all the pranks. We cool?" I asked holding up my fist. Harold smiled and knuckle punched it.

"Yeah. Were cool." Harold waved goodbye and exited the church with a few other members of TDI. I took one last look at the face I felt I would never see again except in my dreams and followed the next batch of people out. The rain was falling harder again when I came outside. People were either calling for taxies or rushing to their cars in the parking lot. My black truck was parked near by but I didn't feel like driving home. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and walked down the road not caring the slightest for the rain. Everything reminded me of Courtney as I walked down the busy sidewalk. I cold wind whipped around me ruffling my suit bringing with it something strange.

"Duncan?" someone whispered. I looked behind me but no one was there. I shrugged and continued walking "Duncan?" someone whispered again.

"Who's there?" I asked turning back around. No one. I scowled at the sky still frozen in place.

"Please Duncan…" the voice called yet again. This time I ran. I ran and I ran down the wet street until I reached my house. I hurried inside slamming the door shut behind me. My 'parental unit' as I called him looked up at me angrily from his newspaper.

"You know, just because your little girl friend died doesn't mean you can go around slamming doors." He sighed.

"Stan!" my mom yelled from the kitchen. She ran up to me staring at me sympathetically. "That's a horrible thing to say!" she shouted back at the parental unit then turning back to me. "I'm so sorry Duncan. How are you doing?" I glanced around straining to hear the faint whisper before answering.

"Yeah… yeah I'm fine just… tired." I shook my head and hurried up stairs. Once I reached my room I flopped down on my bed to tired to dry off or even remove my dripping black suit. I stared up at the ceiling with blank eyes letting my mind drift off to thoughts of Courtney. I still couldn't believe it. I wouldn't. Courtney just couldn't be dead, she was too strong for that. I refused to believe the love of my life was gone. How could I live without seeing her ever again? I shut my eyes tightly trying to block out the thoughts. More than anything I refused to let my emotions get the best of me. And for some reason sleep came easily that night. Although my last thoughts before I slipped into unconsciousness were thoughts of dread, fearing whatever nightmares of sirens and screams came to me that night, like every night since the accident.

* * *

I was dreaming. I wasn't sure how I knew but something in the back of my head told me this wasn't real. But what kind of dream was this? Usually my dreams were black. Black would surround me on all sides with flashes of red and blue. And there was always some sort of scream. Eventually Courtney's face appeared in the blackness. She was scowling at me every time and occasionally she would shout that she hates me. So why then was this dream different? Instead of black I was surrounded by white on all sides. And it was silent. Very silent. I couldn't even hear the sound of my breath as I slowly breathed in and out. What was this?

"Duncan…" that voice called out. It was the same voice from earlier. My head whipped around trying to find the source of the voice but I saw no one.

"Who's there?" I called looking around on all sides.

"Who do you think?" the voice giggled. All of a sudden realization crashed down around me. How could I have NOT recognized her voice?

"… C-Courtney?" I gasped still looking around madly.

"Dur." She giggled again. I looked behind me nearly screaming at the sight. There was Courtney standing directly behind me, but something was different about her. her skin had its old tan coloring and seemed to have a slight glow to it. She wasn't wearing her usual outfit. Instead she wore a long plain white gown that ended above her bare feet. Her hands were folded behind her back and her head was tilted to the side, a wide smile on her face. I felt my heart stop at the sight. I hadn't seen her smile for what felt like years.

"… Courtney? Is that really you?" I stuttered. She smiled even wider and stepped closer to me.

"Of coarse Duncan." She answered. Her voice echoed around us slightly.

"W… Why are you here?"

"I came to say goodbye." She seemed to glow a little brighter. It was then I noticed something behind her. A white light glowed brightly on her back having the faint outline of… wings. Instinctively I looked above her and like I assumed an equally bright yellow light was above her head. A halo. Courtney was an angel now…

"Goodbye? What do you mean? Where are you going?" It was a stupid question, but I couldn't think of anything else to say. Courtney's smile remained as she shrugged a little.

"I don't know where I'm going Duncan. No one does. But I'll know when I get there. Its time for me to move on." Suddenly she frowned slightly. "And you need to move on to."

"Courtney, I don't understand. What are you talking about?"

"I'm dead Duncan. There's no changing it. I can't come back."

"Don't you think I know that!" I shouted clenching my hands into fists. Courtney kept her calm face despite the anger pulsing off of me. "I know Courtney! I know your dead you can't come back and I need to stop obsessing over it, I know! But I just CAN'T Courtney!"

"Why?" She asked simply tilting her head again.

"Its my fault your dead in the first place! If I hadn't pushed you over your limit then you wouldn't have kept running. You wouldn't have pushed your poor heart over the edge. You died hating me! You died and it's all my fault!" Out of no where Courtney glared daggers at me.

"Don't you ever, EVER, say that again!" she yelled. I was taken aback. One moment she was calm and happy, the next she was shouting at me. "Don't you dare even think that Duncan! It is not your fault I died! It's no ones fault! It was just… time." She murmured staring down at the ground now her previous calm self. She looked back up at me with blank eyes. What could she be thinking right now? "As for the last part that was never true. I never hated you Duncan. I mean sure you got on my nerves every now and then but I never _hated_ you."

"… Never?" I repeated bewildered. If not she was a pretty good actress. To my relief she smiled again.

"Really." Her eyes narrowed slightly and she looked at something over her shoulder that I couldn't see. "It's time for me to go Duncan. I've stayed too long." She turned away from me fully about to walk away, but I grabbed her wrist before she could even raise her foot.

"No please Courtney… don't leave me…" I whispered desperately. She turned back to me still smiling brightly.

"I have to Duncan." She wrapped her arms around my neck and rested her head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her waist returning to embrace and hugging her tightly, never wanting to let go. "Please Duncan… forget about me. Move on. Live a happy life." She sounded as desperate as I did.

"Courtney… you know I could never forget you." I whispered. She pulled back slightly still keeping her around my neck and smiled.

"I know." She whispered back. She placed a hand on my cheek and brought my face towards hers kissing me full on the lips. Without a moments thought I kissed her back. It didn't last as long as I would have hoped, for soon Courtney pulled away and looked over her shoulder again. She turned back to me still smiling but with sad eyes. "I love you Duncan… and I'll always be with you." She whispered before pulling away from me. I watched as she turned her back on me and began walking away as yet another bright light appeared before her.

"Goodbye Courtney… I love you." I muttered. She turned to me halfway and smiled. Courtney waved one last time before the light completely engulfed her. And she was gone. 'No. She's not gone.' I said to myself as I was slowly pulled out of my dream. 'Just like she said… she'll always be with me.' I closed my eyes, a small tear running down my cheek when her face appeared in my head. But unlike so many times before when her face was dark and scowling, this time her face was bright and happy, her golden halo shinning above her brightly. 'I have a guardian CIT…'

It's been ten years since I had that dream. I moved on like Courtney had said. I am married to a girl I met a few moths after she died. Her name is Emily and it would be a lie if I said I didn't have strong feelings for her. I never called her princess. That title was reserved for one person and one person only. I'll never love her like Courtney, but I still love Emily all the same. To this day I still think about my princess. Her image never faded from that dream I had of her so many years ago. I remember one day not to long ago, I went back to Wawanakwa for a reunion. While the other ex-campers reminisced by the campfire I made my way over to the old Killer Bass cabin. I ran my hand over the wood of the railings remembering one night in particular. The night when Courtney and I shared our first kiss with each other on this very porch. I closed my eyes letting the memories crawl back into my head and as I did a warm breeze stirred my hair, bringing with it the faint feeling of someone's lips against my cheek. 'Always…' a voice whispered barely audible. I opened my eyes smiling and made my way towards the campfire pits again. 'Princess…'

* * *

**As the beggining says this is based on a true story. One day in PE sometime during March of 2005 a friend of mine, Eric Allan Sheer, tripped when we were running the mile. He did have some sort of rare heart disease and died a few hours after the ambulance took him form school. He was only 12 when he passed away. Emily is a real person. She's a good friend of mine and was there when he fell so it scared her a lot. I started this on his birthday of 2007, about two years after he died. I found it a few days ago and decided to finish it in his memory. Why I made the storyline about Duncan and Courtney I'm still not quite sure myself. I guess it's just the writing style I'm most familiar with. I still don't like the ending with the dream but I wasn't sure of any other way to finish it. I did dream of him about a week after he died, but not like this. I edited it about three times and hope you liked it. **

**In Loving memory of Eric Allan Sheer.**

**Hope I didn't just bore you all to much. ^_^**


End file.
